"Enough" has gotten me into enough trouble. I am finally making an effort to rid my vocabulary of that filthy "e" word.
Am I good enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Cool enough?
All of these questions get at one thing: Am I loveable? Am I worthy enough of love?
I've spent my entire life asking myself these questions. Time and time again, my answer would be no. I could always be better, smarter, prettier, cooler. You name it, I've measured myself against that bar and decided that I wasn't _______ enough.
And when you go around thinking you're not good enough, you start acting like it. I wouldn't speak up if someone offended me. I wouldn't share my honest truth, because it didn't matter. I didn't matter enough, so I didn't matter at all.
In a society like ours, one that survives on toxic consumerism, we will never have enough. If we all believed that our value was in who we are, not what we had, we wouldn't buy half of the shit we're sold! The system would fall apart and we can't have that, now can we?
Instead, we're force fed messages that lead us to believe that we are not enough and that we will never be enough unless we get cosmetic surgery to change our looks, adorn our bodies with the newest clothes, or act like the cool mean girls.
I finally see that asking myself if I'm enough is not only pointless, it's absolutely painful. It forces me to judge myself against an ever-changing, ever-evolving, and ever-elusive standard that is impossible to reach.
It's not about whether or not I'm enough. I just am. Measuring myself against the "enough" scale only hurts me. It keep me out of the present and away from appreciating all that I am and all that I have in the now. It keeps me in a scarcity mindset because there's simply always more to be had.
I'm realizing that by continuing to ask myself these questions, I am putting energy into and feeding the same "never enough" monster that powers the capitalist, white supremacist system.
And to that, I say "no more!"
I'm ready to remove enough from my vocabulary, once and for all.
So, instead of asking "am I enough?", I am affirming that I am.
Instead of asking "is there's enough?", I'm affirming that I live in an abundant and ever-expanding universe.
Instead of asking "do I have enough?", I am asking myself "do I have what I need?"
Won't you join me?